So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
