I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
