I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
