the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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