Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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