do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
