The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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