so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize