if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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