she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize