Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
