3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
