Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize