Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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