for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
