FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
