Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
