If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
