I've blown a few things in my day
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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