The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
