I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
