Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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