my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
