I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
