i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
