Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
