I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
this just has baby written all over it
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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