It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
