I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
