wrigley field is MILF paradise
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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