Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
