I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I wear drunk well.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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