I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize