I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
