I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I wish there were birth control emojis
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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