we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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