Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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