I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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