Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The air was thick with penises
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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