I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
