these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
