I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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