Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
