idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
