What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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