just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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