Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
