My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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