i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize