forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just invented taco cereal.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
