So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
