Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
