Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
