Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
