Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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