If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He passed out mid-signature
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Randomize
