Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
