true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
