You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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