if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
