I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
