is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
