You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
