literally had 100 drinks last night.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
