I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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