You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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