I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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