I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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