My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
