she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
