Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
