There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
