You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
